Let Me Let Go.....

I am sure you have all heard that quote -

"Let go and let God...."

Sounds like such a simple plan.  But, if you are a control freak/Type A kind of person.....well, it's not such an easy thing to do. 

Each time I just about get to the point where I am "letting go" and getting a sample - a small taste - of the blessing that awaits me, "self" steps in and tries to get back in the driver's seat.  What is up with that?!?!? 

When I just surrender and trust, I can feel the peace wash over me.  And yet I struggle to charge back in and grab the wheel.  Why?!?!?

I am frustrated with "self" right now.  "Self" gets to feeling all powerful and strong and forgets to be humble and obedient.  And, as is usually the case, she is getting taught a lesson. 

I quite underestimated the amount of hard work, time and selflessness that it would take to get established in my new career.  While I have made some great strides and had some success, I have also had some eye-opening setbacks and - to put it bluntly - rejection.  "Self" does NOT like rejection.  Honestly, who does??? 

Some days it feels as if I have not made a bit of progress, nearly hopeless; others I feel like I've climbed to the mountain top.  On those days when I get discouraged, I am quick to throw myself a little pity party for one.  On those days when I have achieved the goal, I often forget to whom I should give the credit.  Perhaps this is why I keep getting knocked back down on my booty?  A bit of humble pie?  A lesson being taught as though to a willful child? 

So, for now, I keep taking it one day at a time - because it is a daily matter to surrender.  Knowing what to do and doing it are two very different things.  I haven't completely figured out yet if it's a surrender in my heart, my mind, or both.  I suspect at this point that it is a surrender of my whole being, complete and total.  And it is obviously a process, not a one-time/temporary deal. 

My prayer for tomorrow, and for the day after that, is to allow work to be done through me - not by me.  I know there are blessings out there with my name on them - I just need to push "self" out of the way because she's got this really bad habit of blocking them!

Blessings to you.

Janie