Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Let Me Let Go.....

I am sure you have all heard that quote -

"Let go and let God...."

Sounds like such a simple plan.  But, if you are a control freak/Type A kind of person.....well, it's not such an easy thing to do. 

Each time I just about get to the point where I am "letting go" and getting a sample - a small taste - of the blessing that awaits me, "self" steps in and tries to get back in the driver's seat.  What is up with that?!?!? 

When I just surrender and trust, I can feel the peace wash over me.  And yet I struggle to charge back in and grab the wheel.  Why?!?!?

I am frustrated with "self" right now.  "Self" gets to feeling all powerful and strong and forgets to be humble and obedient.  And, as is usually the case, she is getting taught a lesson. 

I quite underestimated the amount of hard work, time and selflessness that it would take to get established in my new career.  While I have made some great strides and had some success, I have also had some eye-opening setbacks and - to put it bluntly - rejection.  "Self" does NOT like rejection.  Honestly, who does??? 

Some days it feels as if I have not made a bit of progress, nearly hopeless; others I feel like I've climbed to the mountain top.  On those days when I get discouraged, I am quick to throw myself a little pity party for one.  On those days when I have achieved the goal, I often forget to whom I should give the credit.  Perhaps this is why I keep getting knocked back down on my booty?  A bit of humble pie?  A lesson being taught as though to a willful child? 

So, for now, I keep taking it one day at a time - because it is a daily matter to surrender.  Knowing what to do and doing it are two very different things.  I haven't completely figured out yet if it's a surrender in my heart, my mind, or both.  I suspect at this point that it is a surrender of my whole being, complete and total.  And it is obviously a process, not a one-time/temporary deal. 

My prayer for tomorrow, and for the day after that, is to allow work to be done through me - not by me.  I know there are blessings out there with my name on them - I just need to push "self" out of the way because she's got this really bad habit of blocking them!

Blessings to you.


Saturday, August 20, 2011

School Daze....

School days, school days....good ol' golden rule days....Reading and 'Riting and ' to the tune of the hickory stick....

Already upon us, the first day of school for Trayden and Ansleigh is Monday!  Hard to believe that Trayden is entering second grade.  Ansleigh's birthday is September 12th, so she missed the cut-off for kindergarten and will be in a pre-k program at her daycare center.  But, they are both ready and Bonnie brought them by the house after Trayden's "Meet the Teacher" night out at Buffalo Gap Elementary.

I remember how exciting it was to be embarking on a new school year when I was a kid!  Probably my favorite part of the entire process was shopping for school supplies.  We would go to the store and select fresh packages of crayons, boxes of unsharpened pencils, large packages of manila and colored construction paper, fresh bottles of Elmer's glue.....ah, the smell alone was enough to send me into a realm!

Of course, equally important in the selection process was the traditional box into which all the smaller supplies were placed.  Heavy cardboard boxes just like the ones my Grandad got his cigars in!  And the loose leaf binders as we got into the upper elementary grades - oh, which one to select to best represent my personality for the entire year.....

We didn't carry backpacks when I was in elementary school.  Some kids had little satchels, but usually we just lugged home whichever books were needed in our arms at the end of the day.  We lived only a couple of blocks from school and always, always walked back and forth - sometimes even walking home for lunch!

Papa Ed picked up these backpacks for the grandkids at Academy, where he works.  Trayden's came with an insulated lunch kit - great idea.  Ansleigh loved the pink camo design of hers and it just fits her little personality. 

Then there was the huge decision about what to wear for the first day!  I would fuss and fret and finally decide, laying my clothes out the night before.  And, of course, the new shoes.  Penny loafers and saddle oxfords were always in fashion when I was a kid and that year's variation was sitting next to the dresser with a fresh white pair of anklets to don the next morning.  It wasn't until I was in about third or fourth grade that we were allowed to wear pants to school.  So, my mother usually sewed new little skirts and dresses for us.  Our wardrobes were then supplemented with some store-bought items - such a treat!  I always felt so rich with those new clothes for school hanging in my closet. 

First week of school, first grade - 1967

So, what was your favorite school supply????  Mine had to be the new box of crayons.....oh, the smell.  While the other kids were sniffing their glue, I was all about inhaling the scent of brand new Crayola crayons - all the way from the chunky 8-pack to the super-size 64's with the built-in sharpener! 

Remember to drive slowly and watch out for kids in the school zones this next week!  And let us never lose the joy of our inner child!


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