"Let go and let God...."
Sounds like such a simple plan. But, if you are a control freak/Type A kind of person.....well, it's not such an easy thing to do.
Each time I just about get to the point where I am "letting go" and getting a sample - a small taste - of the blessing that awaits me, "self" steps in and tries to get back in the driver's seat. What is up with that?!?!?
When I just surrender and trust, I can feel the peace wash over me. And yet I struggle to charge back in and grab the wheel. Why?!?!?
I am frustrated with "self" right now. "Self" gets to feeling all powerful and strong and forgets to be humble and obedient. And, as is usually the case, she is getting taught a lesson.
I quite underestimated the amount of hard work, time and selflessness that it would take to get established in my new career. While I have made some great strides and had some success, I have also had some eye-opening setbacks and - to put it bluntly - rejection. "Self" does NOT like rejection. Honestly, who does???
Some days it feels as if I have not made a bit of progress, nearly hopeless; others I feel like I've climbed to the mountain top. On those days when I get discouraged, I am quick to throw myself a little pity party for one. On those days when I have achieved the goal, I often forget to whom I should give the credit. Perhaps this is why I keep getting knocked back down on my booty? A bit of humble pie? A lesson being taught as though to a willful child?
So, for now, I keep taking it one day at a time - because it is a daily matter to surrender. Knowing what to do and doing it are two very different things. I haven't completely figured out yet if it's a surrender in my heart, my mind, or both. I suspect at this point that it is a surrender of my whole being, complete and total. And it is obviously a process, not a one-time/temporary deal.
My prayer for tomorrow, and for the day after that, is to allow work to be done through me - not by me. I know there are blessings out there with my name on them - I just need to push "self" out of the way because she's got this really bad habit of blocking them!
Blessings to you.